Scenes From a Marriage

I could write this with circumspection and objectivity, but that ain’t gonna happen.

First off, I’ll get the rant out of the way, but promise to go back and look at the characters with compassion once I’ve gotten it out of my system.

I don’t understand. From the pages of notes that I’m jotting down while watching, these are the words that appear the most.

I don’t understand Marianne’s attraction to Johan. 

There, I said it. I am truly put off by his coldness and arrogance (All a front? Don’t worry; I’ll get back to this). Physically, Marianne reacts negatively to it as well. During the opening scene, while being interviewed, her body language speaks loud and clear. She is so uncomfortable with his boasting; tugging at her collar, elbowing him slightly, glancing sideways. I’m squirming along with her for that is such an awful place to be; trapped to bad behavior by association. Continuing on with the physical, Johan says later that he hated her as he felt her indifference when having sex and is confused why his “bad behavior or criticism made [her] withdraw.” 

And I say, No duh. 

Heaven forbid he put any effort at being consistently kind into his relationship. Marianne has so much natural affection for him, that the formula is so simple—he treats her with care and she’s his. But he can’t be bothered--such a selfish, myopic view that doesn’t serve him well. Even his kisses are awful; self pleasure instead of giving, but she likes them. Go figure.

Okay, on to Marianne. Even though her body instinctively reacts to his behavior, she doesn’t allow her mind to do so. Projecting on to him what she wishes he would be, she lives the illusion. Can she not see that as she prattles away, he’s not there? He left long ago in realization that she wasn’t going to really see him. What would be the point of sharing his poetry? Subterfuge is the kiss of death. I know that Marianne’s story is one of ascending, but it’s so torturous watching her react to her husband’s infidelity—all nurturing (Make him breakfast? Really?) and begging (Anything but that!) and then displacing her anger towards her friends who are privy to the situation. (I couldn’t take it anymore and had to go for a walk.) There is one aspect of Marianne that’s dizzying. Sometimes her emotions turn on a dime and I have to go back and try and figure out what exactly Johan said or watch her face as she goes through a thought process to find the trigger. As a woman I understand triggers, but hers are so abrupt that all I can think is, “Poor Johan, he doesn’t stand a chance at figuring all this out.”

Now for a little compassion, which I do see is peaking out in the two previous paragraphs. Johan is acutely alone. His wife and girlfriend don’t completely know him, but it’s not surprising since he doesn’t have a grasp on who he is either—which belie his bombastic remarks at the beginning. And, oh how I’m loving Marianne’s self discovery. Words like “whether the potential for joy that was innate in me is dead, or whether it merely lies dormant and can be awakened” resonates. Zing!

Everything up to this point was written before seeing the last scene. The shifting moral sands are onerous for me to traverse, but there is some real communication happening between the characters that on one hand is pitiful and on the other beautifully genuine, since they have each arrived at some place new. My next step is to look for reviews to help me see it from other perspectives, for mine is not enough.

Oh yeah, but what about it being a movie? I forgot about the camera; every episode I clean forgot and that’s the highest praise I know.

I'm exhausted and am in need of a virtual hug.